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Boys’ Dealbreakers

Some years ago I came across the concept of dealbreakers when a female friend chucked a bloke on a third date because two dealbreakers combined:

1. his use of language: he used the word toilet instead of loo/bathroom, as in ‘I’m going to the toilet’. And he said ‘lounge’ rather than front room / sitting room. I know, bizarre. This was combined with  2. his use of jewellery: he had a pinky ring and wore a thin gold chain round his neck. Combined with no.1 this was just too much.

So, I did a survey round the office – and it turns out that almost everyone has some kind of dealbreaker – however relaxed they say they are – however much they only care about the character.

Today, as India Knight has mentioned her dealbreakers on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, I thought I’d post the dealbreakers that my then work colleagues came up with. If you’re faint of heart, then read with a gentle health warning – these comments are word-for-word what was written down and in the order that they were sent to me. Enjoy, and please post your own below.

I’ll post the Girls’ dealbreakers tomorrow.

BOYS will find the following things about GIRLS a “dealbreaker”…

  1. her hands are more manly than yours /   nails bitten raw
  2. insists on driving with her nose right up against the steering wheel when there’s no need at all
  3. she’s plump but still has a pierced belly button (and it really doesn’t work…)
  4. Too much make-up, or wears any base/foundation whatsoever
  5. Eats more than you at dinner
  6. Drinks pints
  7. Has big feet (ed. forgiveable if there’s a pay-off…)
  8. Has a wonderbra disguising a tiny bust. (If they’re small, that’s fine, just don’t dress them up to be something they’re not) (ed. also known as Millenium Dome Syndrome – ie looks big from the outside but fuck all to see when you get in there)
  9. False Titties!!
  10. Cellulite
  11. Smelly (fishy in particular) noony
  12. fat ankles
  13. Insists on telling you a non edited version of her day
  14. Thinks that its no longer taboo to talk freely about periods
  15. Wear those really horrible half tight popsock things
  16. Thinks they can get away without shaving their legs
  17. Turns regular events into moments, eg don’t you remember this is the place we had our first larger top etc etc
  18. speaking with your mouthful
  19. girls who give more attention to their cat/dog than you.
  20. cant stand aftershave
  21. takes all the pillows
  22. earns more than u and cant stop talkny about it/making reference
  23. film watching – asks questions you cant know the answer to,
  24. Starts talking in coo chi coo
  25. she has a brummy accent
  26. she laughs with a piercing cackle
  27. she’s carrying a few pounds but still thinks she is entitled to wear a bear midriff top or worse a thong
  28. she replies to very question with I don’t mind (apart from the saucy ones that is)
  29. She thinks she has a good signing voice and would go far on fame academy
  30. Has had a “difficult past”
  31. Never buys a round
  32. Everything’s an allergy
  33. At dinner don’t notice that they have got mayonnaise on their chin even though it has been there 10 minutes
  34. Insist on putting that lip gloss stuff on that makes you feel like you are kissing a post it note
  35. Get lip stick on your glass when they want to try a bit of beer (ditto cigs)
  36. Don’t understand that lying in front of the TV on a Saturday does constitute “doing something”
  37. Indicates when driving when only a slight swerve is necessary
  38. Wears trainers with a suit skirt
  39. After you have finished a telephone conversation with a friend she asks you if you asked him a certain question when she has been listening all along anyway and knows you haven’t.
  40. has a bigger dick than u
  41. red heads….no hair just a red head
  42. long hair down her back…none on her head just all down her back.
  43. more than usual allocation of fingers and toes.
  44. always sporting a camels toe.
  45. think that men don’t mind standing aimlessly in ‘birds’ shops feeling like an arse (apart from Top shop where chairs are provided)
  46. can’t understand that guys will know what they want, where it is and how much it costs and will only spend the absolute minimum shopping for it.
  47. always always asking ‘does my bum look big in this’, when her bum IS BIG, and looks big in everything.
  48. freely admits that blow jobs aren’t her thing.
  49. Has the ability to come home bladdered and wake you up to tell you every detail of the night – yes ….every detail
  50. Inability to open doors quietly past midnight after one glass of white wine
  51. The need to phone 40 times of an evening on her journey home – again after one glass of white wine
  52. very hairy nipples
  53. Shoes shoes shoes and more shoes
  54. Your clothes always get the smallest amount of room in cupboards and draws
  55. Loo seat always has to be down
  56. Thinks it is ok to go to the loo while your in the shower……..going to the loo
  57. If you forget to put a ‘x’ at an end of an email/text gets in a huff
  58. Can’t pronounce the names of certain wines
  59. Makes you watch the full series of Sex in the City and Friends on dvd
  60. Never happy when going to the cinema if they have not picked the film
  61. she uses all the towels in the bathroom because she ‘needs to’ – usually cos she’s washed her hair.
  62. she spends an hour on the phone to someone she’s going to see 20 minutes after the call ends.
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  1. 25 August, 2010 at 9:27 am

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