Home > Language, Round the World > For Joelle: a new story

For Joelle: a new story

28 November, 2008 Leave a comment Go to comments

Dearest Joelle, two things

1. the oral tradition is something we don’t do enough of in our family, let alone in our country… the retelling of stories, and the acceptance of listening to them being told – and actively taking part in the telling of the story (almost as a performance interactive experience) is something that, i believe, would benefit us all. But as my sister will tell you, I do like to tell a story and I do like to get on my high horse about this kind of thing – so I’m not getting at you, just my view. If you disagree, I will enjoy the debate. BUT…

2. I don’t have to bore you with the scorpion story any more!!!!!! oh no, the scorpion, although about a foot long at the last telling, with pincers the size of shears and a bloodthirsty look in its eye… has been eclipsed. ” by what?” I hear you cry … and “where’s the evidence?” I hear Jack and Matthew shout from behind you… well, worry not, I have photographic evidence of the BIGGEST BEETLE you have ever seen –  by a country mile. this thing was the size of a small puppy ( a chihauhau or some other kind of pointless rodent/canine) and, worse, made an arial assault. I kid you not. At first, it got stuck on top of the canopy above the dinner table. I thought it was a bat and therefore harmless, right? nope. not a bat. I could tell by the way it was crawling towards the centre of the room… you could see eight points touching the canopy. i mean, it was about the size of a bat (i know because i came across some of them a couple of days ago, dangling on top of my hat as i went through the Mayan Labyrinth building in Palenque. Very dark and dank, they were right at home, I was invading and left quietly (and quite quickly)) but bats don’t have 8 legs. And, it turned out, neither did this beast. It had 6 legs and a couple of rather tasty looking mandibles – at least two inches long (that’s 5cm). I realise that this might just sound like another uncle richard story… boring… dull… lacking in detail. So I made sure pictures were taken [link added later]. but, alas, I can’t upload them here… technology has foiled my storytelling and i have had to rely on prose alone. suffice it to say that, until i can get somewhere to upload the picture, you will have to trust me that this prehistoric-hangover is the size of a fag packet. That’s about the size of your hand. and did i say it flew? it flew… in a mesmeric manner making the monstrous monotonous moniker of a maniacal mower. a mower of mens’ souls.

ok, so i got carried away, but you get the picture.

well, not yet, but you will when i upload it.

in the meantime, if the above doesn’t paint a picture in words, then i shall take a short-cut. It looked exactly like the evil scarab beetles from The Mummy. You know why? Because it was a scarab beetle.

And on that note, I shall leave you to google images and wikipedia. Don’t believe *everything* you read, but i’ll leave you to decide whether, or how much, you believe me.

with much love, Uncle Richard.

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